Family Feud
by Cerulean Pen
Summary: When Applejack has suffered enough abuse at the hooves of a prissy relative, she enlists the help of a bold cyan pegasus and her younger sister.


Family Feud

Summary: When Applejack has suffered enough abuse at the hooves of a prissy relative, she enlists the help of an audacious blue pegasus and her younger sister.

English Humor/Family Rated: K+ Chapters:1 Words: Applejack & Rainbow Dash

**Disclaimer: **I don't own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, or the following characters, excluding Pink Pearl, who is named after the tart apple. No slash pairings.

"Would you _look _at that diamond?"

"It's absolutely stunning, I can _see _myself in the gold!"

The mare elevated her hoof, flaunting the ostentatious, jewel-encrusted bracelet to the throng of captivated ponies. "Isn't it just amazing?" she boasted, crossing her back legs primly and tucking a daffodil tress behind her ear. "Apple Strudel bought it for me at Groomingdales yesterday. We're going steady now, if you didn't know."

"Ooh!" Cinnamon Apple cautiously extended her hoof, only to have it swatted away by Pink Pearl. The beige earth pony retreated, wincing as the roseate mare glowered at her. "S-sorry Pearl, I didn't think you'd mind." The horde ceased their tittering, glancing at one another in anticipation of Pink Pearl's reaction.

"Oh, honey, I didn't mean to scare you!" Pink Pearl exclaimed, her tone too glib for the statement to be taken seriously. "I just thought you were too dumb to understand that no one but _me _can touch this bracelet. Did Apple Strudel spend two hundred bits on this so you could dirty it with your medium-sized mansion hooves? No. But you understand now, don't you sweetie?" Cinnamon Apple's scarlet eyes moistened, yet she managed to clench her teeth together to form a pitiful excuse for a grin.

"Of-of course Pink Pearl, it'll never happen again," she stammered, withdrawing from the crowd and sipping her cider. Pink Pearl regally tossed her mane once more, preparing to launch into yet another rave over the quality and price of her bangle.

"Anyway, this here is a sapphire, and they cost-"

_SMASH!_

The shrill shattering of glass erupted, proceeded by a rather humiliated Applejack scrambling to sweep away the remnants of her chalice. She silently cursed herself for being so hasty, and slid the shards into a nearby wastebasket that nicer then most of Applejack's apple-collecting buckets. But Applejack was not concerned about the stain spreading over Pink Pearl's three thousand bit carpet. She had a chance to escape this horror, and had obliterated any possibility with the recklessness of a hoof. Panting, Applejack glared daggers at Pink Pearl, a gaze sharp enough to snap her cousin clean in half.

As the amber mare galloped headlong out of the kitchen, a golden stallion stared, baffled, at the spot Applejack had previously been standing. "Uh, Pink Pearl, what was that all about?" he inquired, watching his filly-friend trot out the room. Pink Pearl simpered and than winked at Apple Strudel, whirling around with the flick of her tail.

"Oh, I just need time for a quick family reunion."

:::::

Standing on the asphalt walkway extending from Pink Pearl's mansion, Applejack seethed, slamming her front hooves into the cement as an outlet for her rage. She loathed Pink Pearl, and the repulsive way she manipulated her "friends" and crowed over her material possessions. The _lies. _Telling lies sickened Applejack, which made any gathering with Pink Pearl intolerable, as the fibs rolling from her tongue like swirls of caramel.

Applejack had no desire to return to Manehatten, but she had to visit her Aunt Orange for her fiftieth birthday. The festivities had ended hours ago, leaving cousin Pink Pearl to devote the remainder of the night to gossiping with her girlfriends. Applejack snarled at the recollection of Pink Pearl's condescending behavior towards poor Cinnamon Apple, who, as part as the Apple Family, deserved to be treated with a might more respect.

What possessed a true-fleshed fruit on the Apple Family Tree to waste her life on frivolous things? Had Pink Pearl neglected all honesty and labor to pursue this hollow life of luxury? Applejack heaved a defeated sigh, leaning against the post adjoining the iron fence, gazing up at the sky. City lights and pollution had concealed the stars, unlike in Ponyville, where Applejack could count each glowing speck beaming in the heavens.

"Enjoying the night, eh cousin?"

Instantly, rage seized Applejack and she turned to face a smug Pink Pearl, who sauntered over to Applejack. "Ah, it's so nice and warm tonight, a perfect night to gather with some friends. Wouldn't you say so, Applejack? Still going by that ridiculous boy name, I see. But what can I do? You'll never make any attempt at glamour, and I'm not surprised. That hat looks like a tumbleweed breezed on through, and got tangled in that mane of yours."

"Go away Pink Pearl," Applejack ordered flatly, repressing the urge to rear her forelegs back and demolish her relative's set of perfect, milky-white teeth. She yanked the brim of her cowpony hat over her emerald eyes. "Ah just wanna go _home."_

"Oh, really?" Pink Pearl allowed her lower lip to quake in mock regret, observing her reflection in the ruby adorning her wrist. "What a shame! I was hoping you would stick around longer, perhaps share a drink with your dear cousin and congratulate her over having a steady boyfriend. As we both know, that's the closest _you'll _ever come to such thing!" She chuckled, disregarding the expression of abhorrence mutilating Applejack's visage.

"Y'all so full of yourself, ya can't even see that yer hurting yer own kin!" Applejack roared. Pink Pearl only elicited a whimsical laugh that enraged Applejack, if possible, even further. "Ah hope that money can buy ya a time machine, 'cause Cinnamon Apple won't never forgive ya! And y'all just dump that boyfriend of yers like you do every time! Ah don't need no rich and fancy colt to support me! Ah can work hard, unlike you!"

"Aw, have to leave so soon? Got to get back in time to clean your granny's teeth? Fail at harvesting your own orchid by yourself? Change that little sister of your's diaper?" Pink Pearl offered with the sweetest of expressions. She inspected her manicure, waiting until Applejack had blanched to the point of translucency to glance back up.

"Her name is Apple Bloom," Applejack growled, hardly able to abide the taunting of her family. "And Ah did _not _fail. Let's see you buck them pretty little legs past the point of breaking for days without any beauty sleep. Yer just a conniving little…little sneak that always gets her way. How can ya live with yerself?"

"That's what you want, don't you?" Pink Pearl composed herself, donning the most pleasant expression achievable. She cocked her head, her vulnerable cheek exposed for an effortless blow. "Go ahead Applejack, hit me right in the face. Or in the eye, if you prefer. Your choice, dear cousin. Anywhere you'd like. Anytime now."

Applejack was light-headed with vehemence, but managed to restrain herself, well aware of the consequences of laying a hoof on any creature. No matter how she argued, it would be her fault, never Pink Pearl's, who could bribe a leopard out of his spots if she so pleased. "Ah won't, Ah'm not gonna," she grunted, evading eye contact with the mare, whose crocodile grin elongated.

"That's right Applejack, you won't," Pink Pearl whispered in malevolent delight, "now mosey on back to your tool shed and buck those hooves. That's all you'll ever be good for. Dumb apples. You'll never amount to anything, not like me." With another flick of her tail, Pink Pearl trotted back into the marble edifice, and within moments, laughter split the night air. Applejack was mighty grateful for the midnight-shrouded curb, because she would have been mortified if anypony had witnessed her shed tears.

:::::

Eerie cerulean and vermillion tinged the sky as the amber mare cantered down the path, satisfied with the thud that sounded with each step. Clods of earth combusting past her ears, Applejack inhaled the sweet aroma of distant flora and baked goods awaiting at Sugar Cube Corner. She had been sprinting all through the night, guided solely by the forthcoming of the moon and galaxies above her. The horizon was now spiked with the peaks of Ponyville's buildings, her beloved home resting on the very outskirts of the town.

Applejack, though exhausted, celebrated every yard that distanced herself from Pink Pearl. That pony seemed to live to eradicate Applejack's self-control and confidence: she even resorted to insulting her home, family, and job! Applejack raced off of the bursts of adrenaline, gritting her teeth as dust flew into her eyes. So what if she dedicated her life to the fruit that separated her family tree from all others? Her ancestors, as well as Pink Pearl's, had done the same, and she was more than pleased to carry on the century-old tradition.

_She gives ponies a bad name, _Applejack thought, approaching her orchids, saddlebags bouncing wildly on her posterior. _That daughter of a manticore can go live in the Everfree Forrest for all Ah care. Going 'round, insulting me and my family? _The dazzling sun began to rise over the hills, a sign that the royal deities were exchanging positions in the sky. Applejack could not appreciate the scene at all, her mood having been spoiled for a good day or two.

"Hey, you seem beat."

Applejack dug her hooves into the earth, nearly toppling over at the heartbeat-ceasing surprise of a recognizable face materializing inches from her. Rainbow Dash hovered just above Applejack, chortling at her blonde-maned friend's reaction to her emergence from the thick clouds. "Whoa, what's with the jumpiness? You look like you saw a ghost."

Applejack muttered an answer, shuffling forward, much to Rainbow Dash's astonishment. It was rare for her to ignore her in such a churlish way, and fluttered to match Applejack's pace, rolling agilely in the air so that she flew belly-up. "C'mon AJ, I know you hate Manehatten, but you usually at least want to complain about your relatives when you get back. I don't get a hello, not even a sugar cube?" The cyan pegasus widened her rose eyes to concoct an expression she hoped would coax Applejack into conversation.

Pretending to be oblivious to Rainbow Dash wouldn't rid her of any anger. Applejack ground to a halt, tilting her chin to stare up at the impatient pegasus. "Sorry sugar cube, but Ah just had, without a doubt, one of the worst nights of my life." Rainbow Dash gawked at Applejack, but found the mare was already advancing towards Sweet Apple Acres.

"W-wait!" Rainbow Dash was determined to unearth the source of Applejack's misery, and resorted to tackling her to the ground. "Seriously, you gotta tell me what's on your mind. Staying upset like this won't change a thing. Duh! Was it your aunt? Did they mention how you left Manehatten? Or your uncle? Or-" She plunged into a mute shock, the realization striking her like a sonic rainboom. "No way. Pink Pearl."

"Ya guessed correct," Applejack mumbled, reaching up to brush her bangs out of her eyes, "it was her. Now if y'all excuse me, Ah have to get inside and clean up 'fore getting the apple cart into town." Applejack struggled to shove Rainbow Dash off of her, but the spectrum-haired pegasus obstinately refused. "Rainbow, what are ya doing?"

"You're not going anywhere until you tell me exactly what that pink piranha did to you," Rainbow Dash insisted, leaning forward. Applejack felt a familiar hurricane of emotions roaring through her ribcage as she shut her eyes and told the tale of her encounter with Pink Pearl.

"…And she flounced back inside to her little friends," she concluded, grimacing like a pony who had never smiled, physically and mentally enervated from her past day. Rainbow Dash gawked speechlessly at the events she had been informed of, allotting Applejack the chance to slip out of her grasp, settling back on her haunches. "So Ah came back home to Ponyville."

"Man. How could she do that to you?" Rainbow Dash flared her wings, rising furiously into the air. "She sounds like a creature that crawled out of the ground! Nopony insults you and gets away with it! C'mon, I gotta hunt her down!" The pegasus prepared to rocket towards the urban society, only for Applejack to clamp her robust jaws over her streaked tale, yanking vigorously.

"Whoa Nellie, Ah can't have ya launching my cousin into space. She ain't worth yer time." Rainbow Dash was prepared to dispute the matter, but Applejack's pleading eyes brought her back to earth. "Besides, Ah'd rather talk 'bout something else. What'd ya do while Ah was gone?"

"Lot of practicing. That's why I was out so early." Rainbow Dash found it odd that she had diverted her from the subject so hastily, but replied for Applejack's sake. "I had to help out Twilight Sparkle with the Crusaders so she wouldn't tear off her own horn. They were trying to get Indoor Water-Skiing cutie marks, and nearly flooded the entire library." Rainbow Dash nudged Applejack, satisfied when the mare managed a giggle at the three fillies' antics.

"Aw, those girls are good at heart," Applejack chuckled, using her snout to prod open the doors of her weather-eroded abode. From behind the sofa, there came a muted snigger that caused Applejack to break into a genuine grin. She tiptoed towards the furnishing, leaping onto their spectator and tickling her mercilessly. "Gotcha!"

"Aw, no fair!" Apple Bloom pouted, pawing at her older sister whilst wondering what had put her into such a fantastic mood. She was typically a sullen mess upon returning from Manehatten, either seeking solace in her bedroom or releasing rage on apple trees. "Ah didn't even get a chance! What put ya in such a good mood?"

"Just glad to be back home," Applejack sighed, ruffling the foal's rose mane. "Ah missed ya. Were ya good for Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash?" Apple Bloom nodded a might too eagerly, prompting Applejack to tickle her right beneath the chin. "You could never be related to me, ya lie too easily."

"It was Scootaloo's idea," Apple Bloom gasped between giggles as she kicked her hind legs. "Sweetie Belle wanted us to be history researches, but Scoot thought it was boring. Lemmego!" She squirmed towards Rainbow Dash, panting and hiccupping between breaths.

"Normally I would totally agree with water-skiing, but when it means clogging the bathtub drain and seeing how high the water goes to ski, I'd rather be reading some dusty old book." Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and managed banging her forehead on the stooped ceiling. "Ow! Well, I've gotta get back to my practicing, so I'll lead you two apple seeds to it."

"Wait, Rainbow! Ya gotta stay and listen to Applejack's stories about Manehatten! Ah ain't never been someplace so big and fancy!" Apple Bloom hoisted herself onto Applejack's lap, anticipating a tale of the lavish sights to see in the city. "Come on, ppplllleeeassseee…?"

Rainbow Dash landed, exchanging glances with Applejack, who stroked Apple Bloom's back, obliging to the filly's begging. "Well, in Manehatten, they have silver buildings that touch the sky and ponies cover the whole street, selling food that ya can't even begin to imagine! The stores are bigger then Sweet Apple Acres, and the JC Pony is so huge, that everypony in Ponyville would only fill half the shop!" Apple Bloom sighed dreamily, her imagination concocting a fantastic land that was nothing like Applejack's experience.

"What about our relatives? Ah never met 'em! What are they like? Do they live in a big ol' fancy house, or one of the buildings that touch the sky?"

"Ya got yer Aunt and Uncle Orange of course, and they live in a penthouse, which is like a little house in a hotel. Then there's…Pink Pearl. She's my age, but we ain't nothing alike." Applejack's previously jovial smile deflated into a grimace that resembled a jack-o-lantern's five days after Halloween. "She gets all her nice clothes and shiny things off of her parents, doing none of that hard work herself. She's spoiled, rude, and insults where we come from."

Apple Bloom's visions of Manehatten were disrupted by the thought of a pony abusing her older sister and affronting their family. She pieced the situation together, discovering Pink Pearl was the reason why Applejack usually came home from Manehatten looking like she had attended a funeral.

"How dare she insult us!" Apple Bloom stomped her front hooves in a display of resentment. "Ain't nopony mess with _my _older sister! Why should she even have all them big nice things when she ain't even a good enough pony to have 'em?"

"The kid has some spunk!" Rainbow Dash patted the incensed foal on the head like she was a puppy, impressed with her spirit. "You're right, we can't let Pink Pearl walk all over Applejack like that! C'mon AJ, you know you want to get some kind of revenge on her. Teach that pony a lesson she won't soon forget!"

Applejack had no argument since Apple Bloom comprehended the cruelty certain ponies in this world possessed. Instead of raving about her irritation, the school-aged foal dropped to her haunches. She pondered a scheme that just might bestow Applejack the justice she so deserved, bouncing into the air. "Ah got it! Okay, first we gotta gather up Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Rarity. She'll know a lot about clothes. This is what we'll do…"

:::::

"Applejack, are you sure she's here?"

"Are ya kidding me? Pink Pearl comes out every weekend to find the latest fashions, she'll be out any minute now." Applejack fidgeted with her ponytail as the three fillies congregated by the mannequin, fervently discussing the strategy Apple Bloom had configured. Rainbow Dash shifted her weight from hoof to hoof, while Rarity scrutinized a nearby dress that was accented by a bundle of garish feathers.

"Rather bright, if you ask me," the snow-white unicorn scoffed, confident she could redesign the garment in her image if she was allowed. The six were posted in the core of a JC Pony, where hoards of dowagers and gaudily garbed colts strolled about in relentless pursuit of the latest fashions. Applejack studied the jewelry display, awaiting the roseate mare to emerge from the shoe section so they could put their plan into action.

"We're ready, Applejack!" Apple Bloom exclaimed, gesturing to the orange pegasus at her side, a rubber ball clenched between her teeth. She readjusted her hair bow and pawed at the tiled floor like a bull preparing to charge. Even Sweetie Belle, who had a tendency to space, was memorizing her role in the plan. The Apple Family was counting on her to bestow their pride.

"There she is!" Rainbow Dash yelped, ducking behind the blouse rack, squinting at Pink Pearl, her hind adorned with a multitude of shopping bags. "Alright squirts, be careful out there. We're not dealing with just any prissy pony, we're dealing with the worst mare to walk this earth."

"No problem!" Scootaloo saluted, eager to please the pegasus that she idolized. The three galloped headlong through the store until they were a few hundred yards ahead of Pink Pearl. Scootaloo casually tossed the red ball, which bounced to Sweetie Belle. She caught it in her mouth and aimed it towards the pegasus. She perceived Pink Pearl's form, tossing the ball to Apple Bloom, standing furthermost from the formation.

"Oh no!" she cried out in mock dismay as she made a clumsy grab for the toy, watching as it bounced towards the mare. "The ball!" The Cutie Mark Crusaders sprinted after their plaything, pretending to disregard Pink Pearl's presence until the last second.

"AAAHHH!"

Tumbling head over hooves, Pink Pearl somersaulted down the aisle, her purchases scattering around her. She lay immobile, attracting the attention of several bystanders. Apple Bloom rose from the clutter, grasping the ball in her left hoof, waving to her companions. "It's okay, I found it!" Apple Bloom called out, shrugging a woolen jacket off her shoulders and wading over to her friends.

"You!" Pink Pearl seized Apple Bloom by forelegs, effortlessly lifting her to eye-level, the young filly releasing the ball in her panic. "Just _what _do you think you are doing? Can't a pony go out to buy something without being attacked by a snot-nosed brat and her stupid friends? Huh?" She seethed as unsuppressed wrath spewed from her lips, frightening Applejack, who was crouched behind a shelf of hoof polish.

"Ah hope y'all know what yer doing…" she whispered, heart sinking like a stone in despair. Apple Bloom whimpered, scrambling away to join Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, all three trembling like dead leaves in December winds, eyes enlarging to the size of dinner plates.

"Look at this! Do you think you can pay for all the clothes you ruined? Did you three just crawl out of a gutter to make everypony's life a living hell?" Pink Pearl's voice reverberated throughout the entire store, paralyzing the spectators that were growing horrified at the public abuse. "Why is it your country kind have to trot right in and destroy everything in your paths? You idiots have better know a good manicurist, because my nail polish is _CHIPPED!"_

"W-we just wanted our ball back," Sweetie Belle whimpered, frightened at a boundary far past what she had been expecting. Rarity balanced on the tips of her hooves, unashamedly chewing her lower lip as the statement reached Pink Pearl's flawless ears. Her visage flushed to a vibrant hue, snatching the plaything beyond the foals' reach.

"You wanted this ball? Well, you should've thought of that before you ragamuffins decided to play a little game of catch where ponies were shopping! You little monsters can just mosey on to whatever lagoon you came out of and forget about it!" Scootaloo elicited a ferocious snarl, grabbing hold of Pink Pearl's velvet coat sleeve, further enraging the deliriously angry mare.

"THIS IS A SAPPHIRE SHORES COAT, YOU STUPID BRAT!" Apple Bloom had endured quite enough, and ventured forward, practically hopping onto Pink Pearl's flank. Pink Pearl shook the spooked creatures off, leaned forward, reared her front limb back, and-

_SMACK!_

The hideous sound paralyzed everypony to the spot, seventy pairs of eyes fixated on the nightmarish scene: Pink Pearl's hoof suspended above poor Apple Bloom, her cheek throbbing with a distinct hoof print. Applejack's stomach gave a sickening lurch and she found herself leaning halfway into the corridor, scarcely listening for the signal before cantering over to her.

"WAAAHHH!" Apple Bloom emitted a wail of anguish that would be permanently etched into the minds of all those within five miles of the source. Twin rivulets gushing down her cheeks, she rushed into Applejack's spread appendages, hugging onto the mare's throat. Rainbow Dash and Rarity duplicated Applejack's feat, an identically tearful Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle racing into their embraces.

"Oh Rarity, it was horrible!" Sweetie Belle "sobbed pitiably" in her "inconsolable grief", sap green eyes comically spurting torrents of tears. "We just wanted to get our ball back, but than that mean pony yelled at us, and she-she…" She ensued weeping, just as a stunned Pink Pearl seemed to grapple what she had just done.

"N-no…didn't you see…it was-"

"Lady, what is wrong with you?" a cerulean colt demanded, several other mares adhering to him as he advanced. Cries of disbelief rose above the mob.

"Did you see that?"

"She hurt a little pony!"

"Make the hitting stop," Apple Bloom stammered, shivering as if she had just seen the dead rise. Two stalwart colts clad in police uniforms materialized from the assembly, having heard the entire spectacle from within the elevator. Pink Pearl instantly recognized them as store officers and took a step backwards.

"You don't understand, it-it was an accident!" Pink Pearl lied, infuriating the crowds that were learning to detest the roseate mare. Rainbow Dash winked at Applejack, who beamed. Their proposal had worked far beyond her wildest dreams and was prepared to milk it at her pleasure.

"Oh, it's alright. This pony here is my cousin, and probably never meant to hit…" Applejack trailed off, or, more accurately, was interrupted by an uproar, the officials having to blockade the congregation from conducting a full-blown attack on Pink Pearl. They shouted interjections, such as "she's abusing her own family!" and "arrest her, she obviously hurt her own kin!"

"Get her." The steeds broke into a run and Pink Pearl yelped, scrambling to escape the building, the outraged shoppers trailing behind them. Once isolated in the JC Pony, the six began to applaud one another, the elders lifting the cheering fillies into the air. To their delight, the idea had successfully turned a quarter of Manehatten against Pink Pearl.

"Y'all were amazing out there!"

"I must say, it was quite impressive."

"You guys totally got serious revenge!"

Scootaloo laughed as Rainbow Dash tossed her upwards, caught before she could collide with the floor. "That was so sweet! I was going to tear that fluffy coat of hers to shreds if she didn't give us our ball back. Which we didn't," Scootaloo added, receiving a teasing nudge in the shoulder.

"Kid, I'll get you all the balls you want after what went on back there." The Cutie Mark Crusaders exchanged simultaneous looks of contentment, satisfied with the results. Apple Bloom had justified Applejack, Scootaloo had garnered desired praise from Rainbow Dash, and Sweetie Belle was promised a turn at the sewing machine when the returned to Ponyville by Rarity.

They exited the shop and shielded their eyes from the radiant noontime sun. Applejack could only watch as Pink Pearl was wrestled into a police carriage, her mane frazzled and meticulously applied make-up smeared. Her father would have to pay the fine, releasing Pink Pearl from any legal imprisonment, but Applejack had tasted the sweetness of revenge.

"I wonder if we could get Cutie Marks for getting revenge!"

"Yeah, like getting hired to avenge ponies!"

Applejack, whose mind was now shrouded with images of that crusade ending in legal trouble, herded the three fillies towards the curb so they begin the long journey home. "Ah think y'all should just stick to indoor water-skiing for now."


End file.
